Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 12, 2023

This Is A Wrist?

Hubby had a medical test this morning, and when he returned home we had breakfast. After we had eaten and chatted for a bit, he pondered the question, "Do you suppose it's time for me to take this [elastic bandage] off of my wrist?"

To which I responded, "I do believe that your wrist has moved."

Wow! You go for a minor medical test and unbeknownst to you, your body parts have been rearranged. It makes you wonder just what was in that stuff. I think I'll stay out of hospitals. 

Sunday, March 8, 2020

In Stitches

Hey everyone! It's been a while (again), but I've been a bit preoccupied with what has been going on in the world for the last few months. We won't talk about that now, though. I think we could all use a little chuckle.

When I sat down to write, I looked into my drafts folder and found this fellow looking back at me from an otherwise empty page. What is his story? Let's listen in and find out.

"Hey Spud, what happened to you?"

"Aw Doc, they put a newbie on the plow and he dang near sliced me in two" groaned Spud. "Can you fix me up?"

"Yep, but I'm afraid it will leave a scar and you won't make it to the gourmet aisle. Nope, you'll probably end up bagged and tagged at Walmart" said the Doc.

"That's okay, Doc, at least I won't end up in one of those new frou-frou recipes, you know boiled, whipped, beaten and baked, then drowned in cheese, or spiraled into boiling oil. No, I want to be fried up nice and crispy in some hot bacon grease.   Now that's the way to go."

The Doc was nearly in stitches himself, and laughing he said "good luck, Spud. I'll be looking for you in Wally World."

Friday, April 1, 2016

Is It Real?

Or is it April Fools?

April showers bring May flowers, but the first day of April brings out the jokester in some of us. Here are some interesting stories I happened upon this morning.

Hip2Save is giving up couponing in favor of a singing career. Introducing Hip2Sing! Following her childhood dream of becoming a singer, Ms. Hip2Save is turning over the reins of her couponing empire to her trusted team while she pursues a different kind of spotlight.

Looking for Romance on the highway? Look no further. Check out the new Gas Buddy with BenefitsHere's what they are saying about the newest edition in the Gas Buddy lineup. 

What is more romantic than finding love at a gas station?” said Helen Johnson, expert relationship advisor for GasBuddyWithBenefits. “GasBuddy has been outstanding at matching users with the perfect gas station, and with such passionate users, there were sure to be some lovebirds that shared more than just their love for gas..."

Are you in the market for a new job? Like to work alone? Redbox has just the job for you! Here are some additional requirements. Hurry, this opportunity is valid online today only!

• Must be able to think "inside the box"
• Not afraid of the dark
• Skilled at stacking discs
• Yoga experience recommended

Please share any April Fools jokes you have fallen victim to, or instigated.

If you enjoyed this post, please leave your calling card in the comment section or click the visitors box below to let me know you stopped by.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Where's The Pizza?

Nobody's perfect, and our fondest memories of anyone are of the hilarious ways they proved it. - Robert Brault

Oops, no pizza in here.
This is so true!  Around our house there is always something to laugh about, and it is usually the stupidest simplest thing that sets off another round of guffaws.

Most of the time I am the one who does or says something that triggers it, and I am the one who laughs the hardest. But a few weeks ago on pizza night, Hubby got his turn.

It's always his job to pull the pizza out of the oven when it's done. Now what you need to know here is that the oven and the dishwasher are both black and right next to each other.  So with the over-sized oven mitts he got for Christmas, he goes to retrieve the pizza, stands squarely in front of the dishwasher, and starts to open the latch, pause..."wait, that's not right." 

We all have those days don't we?  Care to share, or tell on someone else?

If you enjoyed this post, please leave your calling card in the comment section or click the visitors box below to let me know you stopped by.

Saturday, February 8, 2014


It is day 8 of the Third Second Annual 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing challenge hosted by Nicky and Mike at We Work for Cheese and today's prompt is Damn!  Now get on over and check out the other participants at WWFC!

Sample game
There were a few things I thought of that could elicit such an exclamation, but didn't think any of those would be appropriate. Then I remembered something that happened a while back. Hubby and I play Word Feud on our phones.  This is a game similar to Scrabble or Words with Friends.  

Anyway, Hubby had a game going with a friend of ours, and after making a particularly good play, he got a one-word text message. We could hear our friend as if he were sitting at the table with us..."Dayum".

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

What Did You Say?

What did you say?
Did you ever play the game in school where a phrase is passed down from one kid to another?  When it reaches the last person and he repeats what he heard, "the monkey ate a yellow banana" may sound like "the donkey's name is bandana". Well quite often we have that same experience. 

At dinner last night, it went something like this as I put my plate into the microwave to reheat it (I like my food to be hot).

I said "I want to put a little heat on that".  What hubby heard was something completely different, so while the microwave was running, he repeated what he thought I said.  When the microwave was stopped, I said "What was that about feeding a rat?"  He laughed and repeated himself, "What was that about beating the rap?"

After I cleared up the confusion, he said "I was wondering what you had gotten into while I was at work."  In case you are wondering, we can't blame the microwave for our auditory issues.  This happens with or without interference.

It's amazing how twisted our words can get.  If this happens to you, please share.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Deal With It

Today is day 26 of the 30 minus 2 days of writing hosted by Nicky and Mike of We Work For Cheese. Today's prompt is "Deal With It". Visit Nicky's post to see how the other poor schmucks in this challenge are dealing with it.

  89% of my readers say your readers need therapy!

  Sorry I missed the meeting, my battery died.

 What do you mean "only two more days"?

Images courtesy of

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My House is a Fortress

Tuesday was just another day, or so I thought.  It was one of those picture perfect days, not too hot with a nice breeze.  The yard needs mowing so I change, grab a bottle of water and head out the door. What makes today different?  I close the door (I usually leave the inside door open).  OK, so you know that sinking feeling you get when you realize you've accidentally done something stupid?  That's how I felt the moment I heard the door click behind me.  I was just going to mow the yard...why did I close the door?

I reached back to check, hoping against hope that I hadn't done what I thought I just did.  Yep...locked.  Grrrr!  

Now what?  I assess what I have with me.  My pocket knife, chap stick, nail clippers and a bottle of water.

A cardinal who often visits my window sill.
Being the resourceful gal that I am, I pulled out my pocket knife.  Just for the record, I have no lock-picking skills and the knife didn't do anything anyway.  I walked around the house...thinking.  We have a few basement windows, but they don't open from the outside.  Neither do any of the other windows - they are securely locked from the inside.

There's no choice...I must call hubby and confess.  Since I don't have my cell phone, I trudge up the street to the convenience store to use the phone, make the call, and trudge back.  As usual, he takes it all in stride, explains his need to take an unplanned half day of vacation and heads home.  

It'll take at least an hour for him to get home, so I figured since I came out to mow the yard, I might as well do it while I waited.

The good news from all of house, although a modest brick ranch, is really a fortress.  With the doors locked, no one (especially me) is getting in.

Care to share your best lock out stories?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Wrong Number?

I've heard that life's little embarrassing moments make good stories, so here goes.  Fortunately, I was home alone with no witnesses.

I was calling hubby the other day on his Blackberry (company phone) because when he's on the road he uses the GPS on his Droid (personal phone) to navigate.  Apparently it is like some people and can't talk and navigate at the same time.  No problem - I've got the Blackberry number programmed into my cell phone.

I open my contact list, scroll down to his name and click.  I select the number and hit "call".  Doing good.  About that time the home phone rings.  Great!  With the cell phone at one ear, I grab the handset and glance at the caller ID.  It's showing the city and a number which usually means it is someone's cell phone.  I should answer this - it could be a friend calling.  Did I mention I didn't have my glasses on and didn't get the number?  Never mind, it gets better.

I answer the call while waiting for hubby to pick up, and I hear a woman's voice.  This is weird -  I am hearing it through my cell phone.  Oh crap, have I called someone else by mistake?  How embarrassing!  I start to ask who I have called and explain that I was trying to call my husband, and must have gotten the wrong number.  But wait...and this is where it really gets embarrassing...what I am hearing on the cell phone is the same thing I am saying into the other phone.  It turns out the "friend" who's call I answered was me.  I picked our home number instead of hubby's cell number.

Now I talk to myself  frequently;  it just doesn't usually take two phones to do it.

Note to self:  Put on glasses before making phone calls.

Care to share an embarrassing moment?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Not Winning!

Background:  As I've mentioned before, I still own the house where I grew up, and it is less than 2 miles from where we live now. I went there to wash the car because there are paved driveways.  Below is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent to my hubby detailing my attempt to vacuum and wash the car. He laughed and suggested I share it with you.

The back driveway
"Went over to blow out the driveway, vacuum out the car and wash it.  Frustrating!  I only had one cord, so too short.  Went to get the black cord on the box.  Attached to the battery charger, so I drug out the heavy orange one and figured out how to set it up.  Blew the driveway.  Unplugged the blower, hauled out the blue vac, and cleaned the car.  OK on to the real frustration.  I hunted for the car wash brush.  Found it, managed to get to it.  Good.  Had soap, brush and bucket.  Go out to get the hose.  Pull it out and no nozzle.  Back to the basement.  Found a nozzle I thought would work.  Needed a washer.  Put one in.  Back to the front, put the nozzle on.  Good.  Turn on the water.  Hose not connected.  OK, connect the hose to the weird dual thingie on the spigot.  Leaks.  Flip both switches.  Leaks.  Take the hose loose, take off dual thingie, put hose back on.  Leaks.  Phooey!  Check back driveway - no shade.  Put everything away and came home."

I guess you could say I was "not winning" that day.  Got any frustrations you'd like to share?

Friday, April 1, 2011

April Fool's Day

Recycle the cat?  You wouldn't?
Today is April Fool's day, a traditional day of jokes and pranks, ranging from simple jokes to elaborate and convoluted stories.   As a fan of NPR's "All Things Considered" my husband related this story to me back in 2005.  I think it even had him going for a minute because this is usually a serious news show.  The story that day was on the danger of exploding maple trees and they reported that the decrease in the consumption of maple syrup was a contributing factor in the increase in exploding maple trees.  Since less syrup was being made and fewer trees were being tapped for their sap, the pressure of the rising sap would build to the point the tree could no longer support it and would explode.

The story goes on to tell about a rival company in Samoa that was cutting up used maple furniture, and boiling it down to make a cheap knock-off called "table syrup".   

You can hear the live broadcast here.

I guess this just goes to show that if you hear an incredible story today, remember it's April Fool's day and take it with a grain of salt.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Detergent Bottle: Fail

Does this ever happen to you?  Here you are about to tackle that mountain of laundry for which you would sacrifice your first born…a week’s worth of wine if you didn’t have to do it.   

Your washer is filling as you reach for the detergent…you just opened a new one last week…and you open the bottle and start to pour the detergent into the measuring cap.   

But wait…there’s no spout.  That’s funny, I could’ve sworn these bottles have pour spouts.  Anyway, you go ahead and pour because you’ve got to get the laundry started so you can get back to your wine go walk the dog.   

Remember to pour carefully because, you know, there’s no spout.   

And that’s when you see it!  Floating in the detergent…inside the the missing spout. 

OK, this bottle is defective.  It happens sometimes.

Did I say sometimes?  Try around a half dozen bottles over the last year.  At first I thought ALL was using crappy bottles.  Then my next bottle of WISK did the same thing.

Dear ALL and WISK,

I think you need to have a little one-to-one with your bottle supplier because consumers are getting tired of looking at this in the bottom of their bottle.   

That’s where the worm is supposed to be.   

Oops - wrong bottle…

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The End Of The Line

End Bahnof, two small words with big meaning.  Picture this:  Two people... foreign country...with little knowledge of the language, but they didn't let that stop them.  They hopped the train into the city to go sightseeing and visit the zoo.  After a fun afternoon, and feeling quite proud of themselves, they boarded the train to return to their hotel.  Theirs was the last stop and so they waited.  End Bahnof came and went and still they sat...waiting for their stop...until...  The train finally came to a something like a tunnel, dark and deserted.  

photo credit: wikipedia
Concerned?  Yes.  Scared?  A little.  After what seemed like hours, but probably more like 15-20 minutes, the train started moving again.  When the doors opened again at the "first stop", they got off, in the face of all those people waiting to get on.  What do you suppose those people were thinking?  The train was supposed to be empty. 

Who were those people, you ask?  Why, that would be me and my hubby, of course, in Germany, back a dozen or so years, and after sitting in what was probably a turnaround, we'll never forget the importance of End Bahnof. (Translation - end railway station, or the end of the line).

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Isn't that Entrancing?

ENTRANCE - to put into a trance; to fill with delight or wonder.
ENTRANCE - the means by which to enter; the act of entering.

The same spelling, different pronunciations, and different meanings.  OK, are you with me so far?

Some years ago, hubby and I went to one of those Home & Garden Expos, and window shopped and fantasized about all the things we could with our house, or at least the house we aspired to have one day.  We talked to people and collected brochures.  At home later that evening, I was sitting cross-legged on the bed pouring over the brochures we picked up; one in particular and, puzzled about something that just didn't seem right, I asked "What's an ENTRANCE"?

And hubby says, "Let's see?  Hmmm...ah..."

Then I get The Look.  How dumb did I feel?  

Where you place the accent does make a difference.

Anything like this ever happen to you?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Verbal Confusion

OK, so we get in the car to go for lunch.  The A/C is on and it hits hubby right in the face.  Now I drove the car last, and even though he is some 9 inches taller than me, the seat height adjustment puts our faces at approximately the same level.  That means that when I have the three closest vents pointing at my poor, overheated face, he gets a face full the next time he drives.  "You have all three vents blowing on your face?"  My explanation is this:  "Well, when I've been out and I'm hot and I'm stuff."  "So is that a roundabout way of saying that you're hot stuff?"  At which I laugh so hard I could barely breathe.  

Isn't it great when you can have a good laugh at yourself?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Those Who Read Blogs Together

Have some odd conversations.  Here's a couple blurbs from last night.

Hubby said, "Redhead had a new one 8 hours ago."  
Me:  "Yeah, I read it, the one about..." 
Him:  "eHarmony Fail."  
"Yeah, that one."  He reads for a minute then asks, "what about that guy she had the date with?" 
"I don't know - someone asked the same question, but I read, commented and moved on.   I haven't been back yet to see if she said anything about it." 

"Did you read Babs Beetle?"  
Me:  "I did."  
Him:  "She has closed angle glaucoma."  
Me:  "Same as me." 
As he read through the comments, he noticed one where someone using eye drops not only missed her eye, but actually missed her entire face.  As he started to remark on that, he realized it was my comment, and said "I thought that sounded familiar", and I said, "that would be me."

I blog and he reads.  I think he got into it when I showed him the now famous Junk Drawer.  Any of y'all share your favorite reads?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Jelly Jar Mojo

Have you ever pulled the jelly jar from the fridge and grunted and strained to get the lid off?  Only to find out that the lid is stuck worse than an elephant in quicksand.  That's when you know that Mongo has been there.  Mongo is what we call the mysteriously powerful critter that sneaks in and super-tightens your jar lids.  You never know when he'll strike.

Jelly jar and my tools.
There wasn't much to choose from for lunch the other day, so I decided on a PB&J.  Bread-check, peanut butter-check, and then I reach for the jelly.  It's just ordinary grape jelly in an ordinary jar.  That is it used to be ordinary.  Now it it's been Mongo-tized.

After some grunting and straining it's still not budging, so I pull out my strap wrench.  This handy-dandy gadget didn't come from any fancy kitchen store.  Nope, hubby got it from the plumber who was working on the toilets at work.  He asked the guy where he could buy one.  Plumber said it's part of the kit and they're disposable.  Well, it got disposed of into hubby's hands, and then into mine.  It usually works like a charm but not this time, all because Mongo snuck in and put his mojo on my jelly jar.  So I went old school and whacked it with the kitchen scissors (Mom's method for loosening stubborn jar lids).  Strange, but it works.  Then I popped the strap wrench back on and... success.  For a moment there I thought I was going to need the jaws of life just to open the jelly.  

Does Mongo ever wreak havoc on your jars?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Ode to Toilet Paper

Can you have too much toilet paper?  The answer...apparently not.  This is a portion of the toilet paper we rounded up from my parents' house while cleaning it out for people to move in - the portion that was not in the attic.

It was just piled up so, just to be silly, I put it in this bookcase.  It's not every day you see a bookcase full of papier de toilette.  Now that would make a fine addition to anyone's "reading room" don't you think?  How much am I bid?

So, as they say, the nut doesn't fall far from the tree.  Pictured here are 48 rolls of toilet paper.  I expect I have about three times that much in my attic as we speak.

In the end, this was left for my friends who moved in.

So tell me, what do you stock up on?  And how much is too much?

Friday, May 28, 2010

Communication Bloopers

Today's post was inspired by this week's Quote of the Week on communication.  While good communication is key to understanding each other and keeping our relationships running smoothly, sometimes it's not what we say or how we say it, but what is understood that matters.  For instance, here's part of a conversation hubby and I had last night.  So we were in the car heading out to watch Ashley's son's musical presentation at his school, and we were discussing directions, etc.

Hubby:  "Do we want to take Reynolda?
Me:  "No, we can take Silas Creek to University.  Or
we can go the same way we go to the Fair.  Do you need a refresher on that?"
Hubby:  "Nope, we go out Miller..."
Me:   "Remember where the bus thing fair took us to park?"  

Well now that didn't make sense, but before I could stop laughing and try again, he said "OK, yeah, I got it."  Strangely, he knew what I was trying to say.  Hmmm, that's a little scary considering how often my fully formed thoughts get mangled beyond recognition somewhere between my mouth and his ears as if they are bounced off of some creepy, thought-encrypting satellite.

What I'd meant to say was - do you remember where we parked and took the shuttle bus to the fair?  That's where we're going.

Sometimes, depending on who you're talking to, you can still make your point no matter how the words come out.  This stuff happens with us all the time, and he says "These things are funny.  You should write this down, this is good stuff".  Funny, eh, I don't know, but it keeps us laughing at ourselves and each other in a good way.  That's got to be a good thing, right?

I'll bet you have a few bloopers, too.  Care to share?

Friday, May 21, 2010

A, B, C, Zzzzzz!

Are you bothered by the occasional bout of insomnia?  Do you wake up after only a few hours, your mind suddenly shifting into into overdrive while your body lies exhausted, desperately yearning for sleep?  I have just the thing for you.  A brand new, untried and unproven method, guaranteed only to make you wonder if I've gone nuts from lack of sleep.

I came up with this on one of those nights.  Here's how it works.  You pick a letter of the alphabet, and start naming words that start with that letter.  Except maybe X and Z.  I mean after "zebra" and "xylophone" there's not much for your foggy, over-stressed 3 a.m. brain to work with. 

Catnip, canaries...Zzzzzz
This mental exercise will redirect your thoughts, and release your frazzled mind back to dreamland.  Just beware of the letter P.  I used that one night, when I was a little bit hungry.  I never realized how much food starts with "P" - potatoes, pancakes, pie, peanuts, pork - you get the idea.

But does it work?  I don't know, I fell asleep (coincidence?). You try it and let me know.