Friday, October 29, 2010

Dead Men Talking

Photo courtesy of Magpie Tales
It is about midnight on All Hallows Eve...we hear Artie telling about how he came to be...

"Dead, I tell you, I'm dead, deceased, departed life, moved on.  Well, not exactly moved on.  You wanna know why I haven't moved on?  I'll tell ya why.  I was killed, offed, whacked, 86'd, took a swim in cement shoes.  You know...MURDERED!"

"How", asked the man on the next stool?

"OK, here's how it went down.  I was taking my share of our "business" profits, and Louie, my "associate", said I was stealing, that I was taking more than my share.  Now, I'm out there busting my chops, taking all the chances, cleaning things up, and I only get 30%.  I just took what I had coming to me, and he said "oh yeah, well now you're really gonna get what's coming to ya."

The kicker is that when he said he needed to discuss a little problem we were having, I thought he'd found out about Claire and me...Claire is his old lady.  I opened my big mouth to deny the affair, and he said, "Artie, Artie, Artie, I wouldn't kill you for that.  Now, stealing from me...that's different.  So he pulls out his 45 and bang, lights out.  He dumps my body into a ravine, where I was torn to shreds by wild animals.  My sister couldn't even identify my body."

Now Artie looks at the guy who had been quietly listening to his story.  "So what's your deal?"

"The name's Sam, and I'm dead, too." came the hoarse reply.

"Yeah?  How'd you go?"

"I was poisoned by my wife for cheating on her with Gina, my cousin's wife, and then strangled by my cousin for the same offense.  Who could blame me?  She was quite the little firecracker."

"Sam, your Gina..she have flaming red hair...sea green eyes?'"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's a good thing you're already dead, or I'd kill you myself.  She's my sister."

"Hey, sorry man!  I've got a sister, too.  Uh oh, it's almost dawn, I'd better be getting back to my grave.  Til next year..."

A work of fiction for Magpie Tales.


  1. Love the title. Great Mag.

  2. Great Halloween story. Luv the title.

  3. haha. he just happens to meet the spirit of the brother of the girl...nice magpie. big smiles.

  4. LOL! This was super, Linda! Loved it! So even ghosts can have scary encounters :)

  5. This was SO cute and playful, Linda. True, what Talon says... even ghosts can have scary encounters. Loved it.

  6. That's the sort of thing I like, totally outlandish and unreal.
    great imagination.

  7. Oh, this is great! I read it in a Jersey accent.

  8. This is really good. And funny!

    Colorful characters.

    Such a small world full of cooincidences, even for ghosts! :)


  9. hehe! this was different.. a conversation on the grave! colorful characters and vivid play..!

    My Magpie

  10. Excellent story for Halloween

  11. Senderupwords- Thanks.

    Kathi harris- Thanks.

    Brian Miller- Yeah, right place wrong time, even for a ghost.

    Talon- Thanks, so glad you enjoyed it.

    Davina- Even being dead doesn't keep one out of trouble.

    Friko- Great, glad you liked it.

    Willow- Thanks, trying to imagine that.

    Kathew- Thanks.

    Jannie- Yeah, you never know who'll end up sitting next to you.

    Leo- Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

    Jen- Thanks.

    Anji- Thanks.

  12. Hi Linda .. one can imagine them popping up regularly for a chin wag .. though this tale - will have some fire and spice in it .. fun - thank you .. Hilary

  13. Clever and funny - timely, too!

  14. Linda,

    This was a fun one. I loved the ending and got a good laugh. It's a perfect funny "dark" favorite kind for Halloween.

    Your dialogue is always so great. I really get into your characters.

    Well done:~)

  15. Hilary- Hi, glad you liked it. See you in class.

    Boom Boom Larew- Once the line about "if you weren't dead already..." hit me, I knew I had to work it in.

    Tumblewords- Thanks.

    Sara- Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. It was fun for me too. I kept looking at the prompt and jotting stuff down but nothing happened. Then I took a shower, and the whole concept hit me. A great place to think - the shower.


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